


What's lost can't be born again

by glassskins



Category: One Piece
Genre: Character Death, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 09:31:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9541631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassskins/pseuds/glassskins
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, SUICIDEDark one shot.Prompt: “Here, I made you something to eat. I know you’re never hungry, but…”





	

**TRIGGER WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, SUICIDE**

**Prompt: “Here, I made you something to eat. I know you’re never hungry, but…”**

(POV switches from Law to Kid to Law and so on)

 

“Here, I made you something to eat. I know you’re never hungry, but…”

 

-

 

Law looked up from where he was sitting, huddled by a corner on the floor. His hair was a long tangled mess falling to the sides, and his eyes were vacant, boxed in by dark rimmed circles. He breathed- barely; shallow pants through dry, cracked lips.

_What time was it? How much time had passed?_

It was hard to tell anymore. The hours faded into days, which faded into weeks. Everything passed in a daze; in fact, he wasn’t even sure if any of it was real anymore. Was anything ever real?

He hugged his arms closer to his chest, eyes glazed, staring blankly into the light that poured in from the open door of the room.

At least, he could recognise the man standing before him. The image of a familiar fiery redness, which stood fighting against the waves of darkness of his mind, unrelenting. Kid was perhaps his only anchor to the world.

But- was he being saved from death, or being damned to live?

What about what _he_ wanted?

 

_Forget me. Just let go. Save yourself._

 

Law blinked repeatedly. For some reason, his eyelids were getting heavy, and his eyes started to sting as tears welled up from within. There was no point fighting them back when they came, and so he surrendered, letting his eyes fall shut as the dam broke, spilling tears down his sunken cheeks.

 

-

 

Kid paused outside the room, a plate of sushi in his hand.

Kid was exhausted, spent; his back ached, his muscles strained, and in his head throbbed a fierce pain. But none of it hurt as much as the ache in his heart, which though intact and pumping fiercely, felt like it had been wrenched out of his chest, smacked to the concrete, bludgeoned with a hammer, then put through a grinder which operated at full speed, and yet, the agony would never end.

Kid had tried; **_fuck_** had he tried, but nothing he tried had been good enough. Things were looking up in the beginning, but somehow, somewhere along the way, the path ahead collapsed into a never-ending slippery spiral that tunnelled down into an inescapable nothingness, and there was no crawling back out of it. Kid shuddered involuntarily as the memories of the past few months flashed through his mind.

 

_How had everything.. become like this? Why couldn’t he do anything?_

 

Kid was more than capable with putting up a good fight- he had been doing so all his life. It was by no means an easy childhood he had suffered through, but he had never regretted it nor wished for it to have been any other way. For, he believed, everyone’s past experiences shaped them into their future selves, and it was only through the most crushing torment that one could develop resilience and strength. If one had been through such shit earlier on, how much worse could things get?

Apparently, only a hell lot worse. For when it is not oneself that hurts, but the person that one loves and cares for that hurts, and all one can do is stand by, idly, banging and smashing their fists at the impenetrable glass wall separating them, screaming and screaming their throats hoarse to no effect, that even the strongest, and most powerful, would be torn apart to shreds.

Throughout the abuse he suffered as a child, Kid had never cried. Crying meant letting _them_ win, and Kid would never let anyone take that away from him. Kid was a proud man, and he absolutely hated showing any signs of weaknesses. And yet, who knew. With Law, Kid was so hopeless.

He remembered the first time he returned home, worn out from a long day of work. He took a step into the apartment and instantly he sensed something was wrong. Calling out to a silent home, his cries bouncing off the walls, Kid went from room to room, feeling his panic grow. Finally Kid reached the kitchen, and there stood his _friend_ , bent over the sink, a steady stream of tap water gushing down his arms, turning red as the water drained away.

It wasn’t like it was the first time that had happened- _far_ from it; and yet, perhaps with everything that had happened clawing away inside of him, along with his agonising exhaustion, it was enough to send Kid toppling over the edge. Kid snapped, charging at Law, slamming hard into his back while Kid wrapped his arms tightly around a fragile, bony chest.

“ ** _Stop, stop it! You’re hurting yourself!_** ” Kid screamed, squeezing tight, his tears streaming down his cheeks, not caring if he was causing hurt. He didn’t want to let go.

For the first time in a very long while, Kid was terrified. If Kid let go, he feared he would never get Law back.

Kid choked, his body convulsing as tears erupted mercilessly. Squeezing his eyes shut, he let out a wail of anguish.

 

-

 

All throughout, while Kid emptied his tears, grossly soaking up Law’s shirt, Law remained silent, watching in quiet engrossment as his blood emptied out the sink.

Guilt gnawed at his insides. He knew how ashamed Kid would feel to let himself break down like this. Still, on his part, Law had tried. He did all he could to drive Kid away, but the stubborn fool wouldn’t leave. Law sighed, a deep and long exhalation, before he too found himself influenced by Kid’s overwhelming emotions. Tears flooded down Law’s cheeks.

 _How could he?_ **_How could he!_ **

After all that Law had tried to mask his emotions, to slap on a facade, to act like there was never a problem, Kid had to go and break through everything.

They both stood under the dim lighting of the kitchen for several moments; no words exchanged. Law slumped back into Kid’s embrace, letting the heat from Kid’s body warm him up.

 

-

 

Outside Law’s room, Kid steeled himself. He never knew what to expect upon returning home anymore. Much time had passed since his first breakdown, and since then, he could only take a backseat and watch Law self-destruct. Kid was so lost, clueless and desperate. “Tell me how to help!” Kid had begged time after time, struggling to find a way. It frustrated Kid immensely. Kid was a skilled mechanic. He had a distinguished record for being able to fix all and every machine that entered his workshop. He had trained under him many men to do the same. From scratch, Kid built up a company with little help, and even lesser resources. He had worked hard, and reaped the fruits of success. So why was it, that when it came to helping his dearest _friend_ , that he felt like a complete idiot, an elephant drowning in quicksand?

Kid’s face contorted in distress. He gripped the door knob, hesitating once more, staring down into his hands that he realised were shaking. In the recent weeks, Kid had found himself growing distant, putting in even more hours at work, and barely arriving home for enough rest. He felt tremendously guilty for running away, for avoiding Law possibly in the times the latter needed Kid the most, and yet, Kid couldn’t bear to be home, in Law’s presence, not knowing what to do or say. It had become awkward, and Kid had let it be. Until, there was like a rift in space that had opened up between them, and a black hole had emerged, threatening to pull them both in.

Kid was so tired and upset, he ended up detaching himself from reality often by indulging in copious amounts of alcohol. He started missing work, wandering in and out of pubs instead, losing himself completely that he often passed out in alleys, dead drunk in his own vomit.

 

One day, however, something snapped inside him. Things could no longer continue as they had dragged out. And so, Kid chucked away the bottle of alcohol in his hand, sending it smashing to smithereens to the side of the street. Ignoring the shouts and curses of several onlookers, Kid hurried back home, his mind resolved. For once, in years, Kid knew what he had to do.

 

-

 

Finally gathering the courage to do so, Kid twisted his hand around the door knob, and with slow deliberation, pushed it open. The door creaked, as if in pain.

“Here, I made you something to eat. I know you’re never hungry, but…” Kid tottered into the room, realising that it had been a while since he had actually saw, much less talked, to Law. Kid hoped his _friend_ was still alive. He couldn’t do it all alone.

Forcing a happy expression onto his face, Kid approached the dark figure in the corner, holding the plate of food outstretched in his hand, which he tried his best to steady. God forbid he trip in the dark. That would perhaps be one last laugh in the bitter face of reality.

 

-

 

Law gazed bleakly through half closed eyelids as Kid loomed out of the darkness, scratching mindlessly at the scabs across his wrists. He wasn’t sure, but it was possible that he hadn’t seen Kid in a while. Law was sure Kid had left for good this time, although Kid hadn’t taken any of his belongings with him.

Once upon a time ago, that would have devastated him. Somewhere along the way though, things changed. _He_ changed. He was unable to love. He was unable to appreciate. Once what had been his life of already a dull, saturated colour had faded completely to black. It became hard to see. Reduced to but an empty shell, all he felt was a bitter, stabbing ache from deep within, threatening to swallow him up.

But it didn’t. It lingered, tormenting, torturing- but it wasn’t even _real_ pain.

 

Kid stepped before him, and Law shifted his gaze up to Kid’s face.

Law smiled ruefully. He surprised himself at that. He had thought his face incapable of expressing emotion any longer.

 

-

 

Kid crouched down in front of Law, setting the plate down on the ground, before easing himself to his knees.

Kid lifted a hand to Law’s face, hovering just lightly over protruding cheekbones, as if afraid his touch would shatter them completely. Kid’s fingers trembled. His eyes crinkled and his expression softened to return Law’s smile. Gently, he lowered his hand to caress Law’s cheek. Time seemed to suspend for a brief few seconds as they met each other’s eyes.

 

Kid could feel his heart throb erratically within his chest.

 

 _Law was truly, mesmerising_.

 

 

Taking a few deep breaths, Kid forcefully pulled his eyes down to the floor. With his other free hand, he reached behind to the back of his pants and in one swift, firm motion-

 

Kid plucked the knife from his waistband-

 

Plunging the blade into his _friend_ ’s chest, twisting, then dragging along the flesh.

 

Law didn’t scream. He gurgled, wheezing.

 

Somewhere in there, Kid thought he heard a faint, “T-thanks.”

 

“I’m s-sorry,” Kid murmured, swallowing hard, gulping for air, “I’m sorry-”

 

But Law only wore an expression of serenity, and that was all Kid needed.

 

Yanking the blade out, Kid held it’s handle with both hands, pointing the tip towards himself.

 

Raising his arms to the ceiling, he shut his eyes, and the memory of Law smiling flashed through his mind.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a fucking ass. I'm sorry.  
> Ps. Please feel free to crit/comment! Tell me if the pov switching doesn't make sense. Thanks!
> 
> Dir en Grey - The Final (favorite song of forever and ever, favorite band of forever and ever)
> 
> So I can't live So I can't live  
> そう無くしたモノは  
> So I can't live So I can't live  
> もう産まれない  
> So I can't live So I can't live  
> 生きてる証さえ  
> So I can't live So I can't live  
> 求められない歌  
> Let's put an end・・・The Final
> 
> 未遂の蕾咲かせよう・・・
> 
> So I can't live  
> What's lost can't be born again
> 
> A song that's not even seeking the proof of living  
> Let's put an end . . . the final
> 
> Let's bloom flowers of attempted suicide . . . . . . . . . . . . .


End file.
